Kick in the Pants

I am sick to death of my blah attitude. I am spending too much time at home, too much time alone and way way too much time thinking. I need to stop focusing so much time on the inner weirdo workings of my brain. The times I am happiest in my life are the times I can zone out and pay attention to the one thing I need to do at that moment. Like slicing a lemon, feeling the breeze from the trusty ceiling fan or giving the pooch a scratch behind her ear. I will never ever find contentment by sitting here analyzing why I am not content.

I am pretty good at feeling sorry for myself, of not giving myself credit when it is due and at making myself out to be the most corrupt person on this planet. But if I have one talent it is that I always notice and pay respect to the details. I think growing up with so little blessed me with the ability to feel rich even in the most dire of circumstances. I love my things. I am not materialistic and I am not oddly attached to my material goods, but I LOVE my stuff. Even my smallest goods I treat with reverence. And I think that is the key to it all, reverence. My coffee cup is not just a cup, but a drinking vessel just for me. It's a homely thing with a mysterious unknown origin that came into MY life to be a helper to nourish little ole me. I love this cup.

So with my quirky graciousness, I need to kick myself in the ass and start noticing the BIG blessings too. If I can worship my toast and butter, why not my diploma? I guess I get overwhelmed with the big presents.