Graduation Schmaduation

Well, I am graduating tomorrow. I am nervous, but not excited. I have so much going on these days, and though it is all good stuff, I am finding myself in a bit of a funk. Graduation is looming, engagement is grand but comes with a whole new host of responsibilities and obligations, moving in with the Fiance is smoother than I thought, but the house is a nightmare. And I am just plain exhausted. I am being tugged in every direction and nothing seems to hold much pleasure for me right now. Even my "go-to" comforts like soft blankies and food isn't cutting through the malaise.

I hate being so grumpy when everything is shaping up, but I feel so tired. It is a 4 year tired. Wrestling with financial aid, working in horrible groups and struggling through a major that I am not 100% in love with tired. Honestly, I am glad I am graduating, but for me, it is more a "glad that is over, now what" feeling.

I am signing up for cooking classes, becoming a consultant at a local advocacy group and applied for a part time job at a designer boutique. I am not seeking out the big time job until after wedding and renovating things are done.

I feel hopelessly empty. I hate this house and this neighborhood. The house is a vile frat boy-destroyed skeleton of a place that reeks of smokey parties and trouble. The hood is jammed with cars all blaring their bass and folks walking their muscly pit bulls. Not a zen-like home for this lady. I feel worlds away from my precious apartment in the sky over looking the downtown oaks. I miss my morning walks with my pup around the historical district and my quiet evenings with a glass of wine and a book. I can still have the wine and book, but in a bug infested backyard with copious amounts of dog poo, and amid vibrations from the ever-present car music.

I am desperately homesick, except this is it. I will make it livable, it is just devastating how much work it takes just to get a little creature comfort. O says we only have to live here until next August. Fingers crossed.