Met a tool

He told me that, “Ideally, I would be like Robin Williams in Dead Poet Society.” He paused and looked picturesquely thoughtful. He was the perfect vision of what a boy looks like who is at once incredibly attractive and absolutely brilliant. He was the vision of what that kind of boy should look like, but he was not that kind of boy. “Yea, you know, I know how to teach and inspire people…and it is the only way to be called captain without having a boat.”

I think maybe it is me. I must be pretty intolerant to hate all the people I do, like I do. I try to take people seriously, I do, but they are so ridiculous. Maybe hate is too harsh, I don’t hate people. I think I have just had ridiculously high expectations for them for a long time. I used to be accused of wanting to be a non-conformist, and I am sure I fed that idea when I was 15, who doesn’t, but I don’t really care if I am exactly like my neighbor, as long as I am happy and not lying to myself.

Maybe if I can see all the things that bug me as funny and not bad then I will not be so grumpy at the poor bastards. I think I have been in school for way too long. I am a crotchety old lady now.

I am frikkin addicted to this song

Hello Old Friends

I have been busy and a little crazy. This summer brings with it a plethora of life changing decisions and big happenings. First, after four years, my boyfriend and I have decided to shack up. (leave me alone about the ring thing, I hear it all day) This is a whopper for me given that I have lived alone for nine years, yikes! Not only am I a lone wolf, but I really treasure my home life. Creature comforts are more important to me than anything, so moving in with a space taking boy and a very loud baying hound dog isn't without concerns.

Secondly, I am graduating. This one is such a biggie that it is still hard for me to grasp. I really never thought I would finish. I mean, I had never finished college before, so it seemed like some impossible feat for me, like mastering group sports or something. I can't believe I did it. I am obviously still in shock.

Thirdly, I got a pixie cut. I am still coming to terms with this decision but I did not cry at least. I wanted to, but as I was telling my lovely stylist Christie K. to take it ALL off, we were making fun of the whiny models on America's Next Top Model.

So now I set off for my last semester.

A case of the Mondays

Good Morning. I was up until 1:00am last night with a brain full of things from my past. I have been in the middle of reacquainting a part of my family, and I inadvertently got in contact with my estranged father. It was surprisingly less dramatic than I thought it would be. I text messaged him, hallelujah for technology, it makes like so easy for things that can be too hard to do face-to-face or on the phone. After a few emotional exchanges, he asked what I did all day. Oddly, that was the question that sent me over the edge because as you know, I like the day-to-day little things the most.

This morning, it all seems really surreal. I have always operated under the notion that I was raised by wolves and they have since moved on. Now suddenly, I have family again. I don't know what to do with one, where do I put it, how do I clean and maintain it. This is unfamiliar ground and I am completely gobsmacked about how to operate.

So for now, I will enjoy my morning coffee, walk to school listening to Camera Obscura, come home and take a nice nap and maybe text my Pop to see what he is doing on this Monday morning.

Slowing way down

I get stressed out, like super panic attacky blind madness stressed out. My dealings with my over active 'fight or flight' instinct have improved over the years, but it is something I will always struggle with. In times of crisis (real or imagined) I try to focus on the little things. Little things are extremely important when everything else seems to daunting.

Lately, I have been working as an intern at a busy but small software company and taking 3 difficult and demanding classes. My dog is doing well, but her ongoing sickness requires a certain amount of attention, the brakes on my tiny Mazda sound like a bus (that isn't good) and my future has had a turn in the less certain direction in the love department.

Instead of freaking out and boozing it up in the gutter, I have been cherishing the little things that make me happy.

Such as:

West Wing, I never watched it while it was on, that is the beauty of Netflix!

This yummy Irish Ale has got me through some chilly nights.

The New Pornographers



and this book

I find that it is important to distract myself with things I love and find joy in doing the things I do not. I have to eel every dish as I wash it, enjoy waiting in line as a break from work and know when to stop it all to spend time with myself and my loved ones.

Cookin with Google

I don't care if Google is the Devil, this is awesome:

Cold Snap

North Florida is chilly this morning. I love the cold but only because I love being cozy and when it is cold outside, being warm inside is particularly delicious. I am a bit of a comfort addict. Before I settle in to do anything, things have to be just so. In the evenings, candles must be lit, wine must be poured, chenille and or handmade blankies are generously supplied and with luck, there will be a fuzzy beast laying half way on my lap. In the mornings, strong coffee, warm slippers, hearty and healthy breakfast and either ambient music or the Today show, depending on my stress level.

The world is such a big place with so many problems, and I tend to absorb all of them. My cozy habit helps me live in the now and remember how lucky I am in this moment. So now, I will go back to my coffee and ponder my lovely sleepy pooch.